My Cameron Oliver
I was making one of my frequent cups of tea and as I reached for the milk in the fridge, I saw the first ultrasound photo I have of you at 6.5 weeks. I still remember all the emotions surrounding that ultrasound… How I felt when the technician couldn’t find you and for too many moments in time I had to comprehend a life without you too… & then how I felt when I saw your tiny heart beating (you were 3.5 mm long!). As I looked at the picture & remembered those moments you gave me an almighty roll & I cried. Happy tears. & I’m crying again.
I’m so lucky to have you.
I’m so blessed that you chose me as your Mummy.
I want to give you the world.
I want to be one of the reasons that you smile & are thankful too… one day.
I want to teach you all I know.
I want to hold your hand as you sleep like I hold your Daddy’s hand as he does.
I want to make you laugh.
I want to make you proud.
I’m going to say sorry in advance for any mistakes I make as a mother… because I know that I will make mistakes – many of them. I promise you I’ll be the best Mummy I can be. But I won’t always get it right.
My arms really long to hold you. But I’m more than happy for you to play away in my belly for another month or so. I know that I most likely have a long time ahead of me to see you grow so I am treasuring every moment, every movement & new change in my body. We’ll never be this close again & you’ll never be as small as you are right now.
You are transforming my body & me as a person.
I think pregnancy is just the right length… You get the first trimester to adjust to the fact that you are this pregnant being with amazing physical & psychological modifications. Then the second trimester to enjoy the growth, change & fact that you are creating a baby… & finally the third trimester to start wrapping your mind around this abstract notion that you are no longer just a woman and a wife but a mother… & what this means & how you feel about it.
So that’s where I am right now… I’m 36 weeks & 1 day pregnant. You are hiccuping in my womb & stretching out your limbs randomly… & I’m wondering when I’ll get to meet you, what kind of mother I will be, what kind of boy you will grow into & hoping that you’ll read this one day & know that I always wanted (& still want) what is best for you.
I love you so utterly & unshakeably. You & your Daddy are my world & have the best of me.
Always, your Mum