Big Scare :(

Last night Mike and I were watching Dexter and I rolled on my side. As I did I got the most intense bizaare (non-contraction-like… indescribable) pain all through my abdomen, cervix & pelvis. I felt like I was paralysed & Cameron was writhing about in my belly. It felt like he was panicking… it was so scary.

Michael held me as I screamed. That’s all he could do. It only lasted 20 seconds but I couldn’t move, couldn’t stop yelling and was so so fucking scared. It felt like a lifetime.

Mike called the hospital as I was in shock & they all admitted it was the most bizaare phone call they’ve had in a long time! Both of us felt so wrong and so confused. They told me to have a cold sugary drink and something to eat and to lay down to feel him move (because he hadn’t moved since).

My belly was rock hard throughout all of this and Cameron was completely still. I think he was in shock too… whatever happened. They speculated that it could have been him attempting to turn or a cord issue (what I thought it was).

But he didn’t move.

Usually if Mike talks to my him he’ll pretty much kick him 100% of the time… But nothing.

Minutes passed & I started to panic.

When it got to half an hour since the incident and Cameron hadn’t moved we both tried our best to keep ourselves from going delirious (Mike did better than me with this – I lost it and was begging with God). It all just didn’t feel right…

We hopped in the car and went to the hospital. My belly was no longer hard and I could move him around… but he wasn’t responding. I can’t even explain how I felt. I just kept telling Mike “he’s not moving… I love you… he’s not moving”.

Then half an hour after leaving the house I felt the tiniest wriggle of his wrist. The noise I made and how tightly I gripped Mike’s hand was crazy. Then a few minutes later… another little movement. But I still wasn’t convinced. Then when we were nearly at the hospital (we live 40 minutes from the hospital and it was storming and raining so we had to go slow) he rolled his knee against my hand.

We just cried with relief.

Mike said “Rachel, I had no idea how much I loved him… until tonight. I’ve never felt that strongly for anything. I would have done anything to make you OK and to feel him move. Anything.”

At the hospital they hooked us up to the monitors & we heard his heartbeat rhythmically beating next to us and I continued crying. The midwife explained that there’s no way to really know what happened but that so long as his heartbeat and movements return to normal (which they did within the hour we were there) that he’s fine.

Mike recorded his heartbeat on my phone and we joked that we wanted me to be hooked up to the machine until he arrives so we know he’s fine. Mike said he wants him to come now so that he can hug him.

God, it’s so hard to explain how scary it was or how relieved we are… but that’s about the best I can do.

But my boy is perfect. He’s rolling around right now… stretching his arms into my hip bone like he always does. & I am beyond thankful.

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