Judgement

Mum’s tend to be judged no matter what they chose to do as a parent. Even if it isn’t outright judgement there is comparisons, questions and snarky comments to contend with.

I am still learning that I need not defend my choices and that I have the most important part down pact – love.

Still, it hurts when someone says something negative about how I have chose to raise my baby boy.

Today, for instance, I had a mother ask why I often nurse Cameron to sleep or wear him in a sling where he will sometimes sleep (and co-sleeping – a whole other ‘issue’) where she ranted that he will be reliant on me for sleep when he’s much too old and my favourite “you’ll learn”.

I just said “yep, he’ll be 18 and need me to breastfeed him to sleep and still share our bed” and moved on.

Every mother (keeping in mind that having a child doesn’t necessarily make you a mother) wants what is best for their child.

You see, the thing is, is that you can find research for or against whatever you wish. I chose to listen to the ‘for’ for co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth nappies, etc and do what I find comes relatively naturally. What it really comes down to is what works for you.

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8 thoughts on “Judgement

  1. Agreed. So many people think the way they parent is the only right way to parent and don’t realise that everyone is entitled to do it differently. I don’t do the same things as you do but I think you do a great job and it’s what works for you.

    • Too right. I feel the same. Many of my friends who are amazing mothers do the exact opposite to me in a lot of cases. I have one person in particular in my life who seems to think that her way is literally the only correct way and will find any reason to judge.

  2. It’s funny how people seem to have this obsession with making babies “independant”, isn’t it?

    One of my favourite sayings about parenting is that your heart knows what your baby needs before your head does…and for me that was co-sleeping and LOTS of time in the sling. My wee girl still sleeps in the sling if she’s tired, and we’re out…much better than a yowling baby!

    • It’s so true! I understand independence regarding children but a 4.5 month old baby?

      I love co-sleeping and baby wearing. I have only used our pram three times in Cam’s whole life.

  3. Good on you for sticking to your decisions he is your baby and you need to do what feels right for you and Cam as after all mother knows best!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I had a woman criticize me for putting my kid to sleep in her crib in her own room when she was newborn. She said “How could you leave her in a crib all on her own in another room!? Don’t you worry something will happen to her!?” So there you go—I got criticized for NOT co-sleeping, lol. You’ll never please everybody, so it’s good that you just move one when people make comments.

  5. Oh the famous, “You’ll learn.” Don’t you just hate that? When I was a baby, I slept in a crib from day one, in another room…then grew into a toddler who had nightmares and still wasn’t allowed to sleep in my parent’s room. I remember creeping in as silently as I could so I could lay under their bed, because that was more preferable to the “boogie man” in my room. My parents trying to force me to be independent and soothe myself to sleep didn’t do anything to help me grow into an independent adult…in fact, I struggle with anxiety and am still afraid to be alone at night. I have chosen to cosleep as well…and when our little Evie bean has a nightmare, you better believe I will be scooping her up for some cuddles so she knows her mommy is there for her. I have to trust my heart and fully believe that Love is what is most important and will be the biggest deciding factor in how your little one grows up.

  6. I cant tell you how many times I have put on a fake smile and said “ok” to someones unbelievable comments. be it about my having to formula feed (due to breast damage) the fact that my daughter uses a pacifier and a security blanket (which I support). the most surprising was when my daughter had eczema and she had bad rashes on her face due to food allergies i did not yet know about. I had people ask me if she was burned, what happened to your baby, try to hand me wipes to clean her face. (as if i would let my baby run around with a dirty face)….all the way to the point were someone told me that my daughter had food allergies because my blood was poison and when she was in my womb i poisoned her with my bad blood…..sigh…… I wish people would really learn some tact in the world and think about what comes out of their mouth. Thank you for your post! if their is one thing I learned most about becoming a mother is that you can never plan things out like you want them, we make choices and decisions based on the comfort of our little person and what ever we choose be it for the happiness and safety of our little one THAT is the best choice. And that is being a good mommy!

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