Losing yourself in motherhood is so easy – almost effortless. What with the majority of your time spent tending to your child’s needs or worrying about them; what can you expect? But is it a pre-requisite to parenting or can you truly keep that sense of self? I think you can… It may be a newly moulded sense of self but nonetheless.
I have been thinking about it and have realised how much I’ve kept the Rachel along with being Mum. Although, I think it is easier at this age… where you’re not running after them, talking to them and answering endless questions. Still, it has taken me a while and a lot of what makes me, me is motherhood related but I feel really lucky.
I truly love my life. It has it’s rough moments with how I feel about myself but all-in-all once I fight past my depression/anxiety I am happy. More than content.
I love that I still make time to read and write and watch my favourite TV show (it’s Neighbours… there, I admited it). I love that amongst all the breastfeeding, the nappy changing, the washing, the songs and books, the mothers group meets, etc that I still embrace the individuality.
It isn’t easy. I mean my days are full with all things ‘Mummy’ and I’m sure that will only get more true as time goes on and I have more children who make more mess and require more stimulation and fun… but I hope that I’ll still maintain that same sense of developing-self.
I love painting my toe nails bright colours and finding rainbow earrings on sale (even if I was thinking of wearing them to Cam’s Happy Half Birthday that I’m planning).
I love that Mike and I are still silly and enjoy ourselves. I love that I still maintain great, meaningful friendships and speak my mind… even if a lot of the time the topic is motherhood-related.
I am still unsure as to what else will define me in the future… Whether I’ll be able to be labelled as anything new. Not that I’m fond of labels… But I know I’ll always still be Rachel – even if the definition is ever-changing.