Mum? Or Rachel?

Losing yourself in motherhood is so easy – almost effortless. What with the majority of your time spent tending to your child’s needs or worrying about them; what can you expect? But is it a pre-requisite to parenting or can you truly keep that sense of self? I think you can… It may be a newly moulded sense of self but nonetheless.

I have been thinking about it and have realised how much I’ve kept the Rachel along with being Mum. Although, I think it is easier at this age… where you’re not running after them, talking to them and answering endless questions. Still, it has taken me a while and a lot of what makes me, me is motherhood related but I feel really lucky.

I truly love my life. It has it’s rough moments with how I feel about myself but all-in-all once I fight past my depression/anxiety I am happy. More than content.

I love that I still make time to read and write and watch my favourite TV show (it’s Neighbours… there, I admited it). I love that amongst all the breastfeeding, the nappy changing, the washing, the songs and books, the mothers group meets, etc that I still embrace the individuality.

It isn’t easy. I mean my days are full with all things ‘Mummy’ and I’m sure that will only get more true as time goes on and I have more children who make more mess and require more stimulation and fun… but I hope that I’ll still maintain that same sense of developing-self.

I love painting my toe nails bright colours and finding rainbow earrings on sale (even if I was thinking of wearing them to Cam’s Happy Half Birthday that I’m planning).

I love that Mike and I are still silly and enjoy ourselves. I love that I still maintain great, meaningful friendships and speak my mind… even if a lot of the time the topic is motherhood-related.

I am still unsure as to what else will define me in the future… Whether I’ll be able to be labelled as anything new. Not that I’m fond of labels… But I know I’ll always still be Rachel – even if the definition is ever-changing.

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3 thoughts on “Mum? Or Rachel?

  1. I suspect it’s having my two so very close together that’s left me floundering in my sense of self. Of course combind with the fact that it took us so long to have a baby in the first place.

    In some aspects, it really does feel as if I’m re-discovering myself for the first time in almost 2 years. It’s only now that I physically have the time to meet a friend for lunch or dinner, only now that I can sit down with my husband and drink wine…

    It’s a balancing act, and a difficult one at that.

  2. LOL my fav show is neighbours. The kids know bath time and dinner are done so mum can sit and watch neighbours. One of my 5 yr olds said “mum I think I change my mind and I like neighbours now” so cute. Although I love just as much brothers and sister. If you can stay up late thats a great show.

  3. I felt that way when my son was young. It took me a while to settle in, and ‘put me first’. Like, when I realised that I wasn’t eating or going to the toilet during the day because I was so focused on my son.

    You are right, it does get harder- he’s walking now and I have to keep an eye on him every second, and learn to ignore some messes- like okay, he’s pulling every single DVD off the bookshelf, but ahhh….he’s blissfully quiet and content, and it’s easily cleaned up later during (praise the heavens) bedtime.

    Keep putting you first- you’ll be more fun and relaxed, and enjoy him more, even through all the bad times. Laughing at yourself helps too.

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