I can see what searches lead people to this blog. Nifty huh?
Well I’ve noted lately that a fair amount of the searches are anxiety related (particularly post-natal anxiety) and I just wanted to say this…
I have been there. You will get through this. No truly, you will. I remember thinking I would be stuck feeling that way… like I it was not POSSIBLE to not feel scared about everything surrounding my son. I felt like I was stuck behind a mirrored window… where I could witness the world but the world couldn’t see how I felt – or truly help me.
But you can get help. I know that feeling all too well… the one you are afraid of now. I know how it feels to seem like your world is out of control. How lost you can feel.
I have experienced the anxiety attacks.
I remember feeling alien… stupid… irrational… terrified… alone… insane.
Reach out. Do not fear admiting how scared you are. Do not fear admiting those deep-down-thoughts that break you down. You’re not a bad person for feeling this way… In fact the very fact that you do worry makes you a good mum.
I remember searching the exact terms you are… typing them into google through fear… desperately searching for answers. I remember typing in my symptoms (insomnia, tingling in limbs, heart palpatations, feeling constantly on edge, extreme fear and protectiveness of my son, imagining he was not breathing, difficulty breathing, etc). I remember writing down an exhaustive list and going to my doctor with it in my shaking hand. That was the best decision I made.
I don’t even remember how I got myself dressed… if I did. I remember showering because it was the only thing that made me feel human again. I remember shovelling down food and how it tasted weird and how my tongue felt wrong… everything was different and I was scared.
I still contend with anxiety – socially, with regards to driving and in general day-to-day activities including sleep at times. But I’m a world away from those first few weeks of my baby boys life… and you will be too.
Email me anytime by the way: email@example.com