Update On Me

Being a Mum has taught me a lot about myself. This journey of motherhood that has really only just begun has amplified, adjusted and completely changed aspects of what makes me, me.

It’s pretty expected with such a monumental shift in priorities and life but it has surprised me just how much motherhood has highlighted my flaws and strengths to myself.

I never knew how teaching was so instinctive to me. I never realised how much I adored showing someone the world and all the magic and mayhem. From the routine ‘hum’ of our mornings and evenings to the busy ‘rustle’ of the in-between… I love how my life has transformed and this new role.

I have always been a worrier and have constantly fought this label but motherhood has taught me to embrace it. I frequently find myself saying “I worry, as I do, about…” as I now value how I think things through.

I now see my anxiety as part of what makes me different and important and how I function effectively – rather than the opposite! I think the biggest shift is my reaction to the worry… I now accept it as something that I will think about but can chose to react differently.

I’ve always been quick to judge myself and motherhood is no different. (particularly when I was in the thick of my anxiety attacks aftermath with postnatal depression) But post-PND I have come to realise that if I’m not happy with something that I’m doing/saying/thinking as a Mum; I change it. Or if I’m anxious about some choice, I can validate my worth and decisions.

In that sense, I’m so much stronger than I ever thought. & I look back at what I went through at my darkest points with anxiety attacks and depressive episodes and I now see strength and I’m proud.

Just recently I realised that I was not only a postnatal mental-illness survivor but that I’d gone that step further… I am now in a place I really didn’t feel I could get to… As I drove past the hospital I gave birth to Cameron in I felt that familiar warm pang of want… I’m not blind to all the less-than-great things about pregnancy/birth/motherhood and I still have fears… but I want to do it again.

& that… is pretty awesome. Up until now I’ve said that I want to have more children (we’ve always wanted 3 or 4) but the reality of it scared me more than I admitted. Now I’m in such a great place. Still, it’ll be a fair while (at least half a year or so) until we’ll even consider it – this pre-toddler stage is too great and we want a 2 year age gap… but hey, I’m here in this positive place and it is great.

Also, I’ve lost 5.5 kilos! Yep, Operation Fatty Boomsticks Sexy Mumma is coming along!

I hope you all don’t mind the Racheous update! I’ll update with

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One thought on “Update On Me

  1. Luv the mumma update, and proud of you and all you have achieved. And the weight lose is awesome!!!!!! Anxiety can make you more efficient and effective because we over think things which means we usually come up with the best way FOR US to go about things. The silver lining is always there sometimes you just have to look a little harder for it,
    Elesha xx

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