The Firsts

Last year looked like this:

I remember the overwhelming itch of eagerness. I remember the any-day-nows and the over-preparation. It feels like a lifetime ago and I still am awestruck by the beauty of pregnancy when I watch videos like Cam dancing in my belly a year ago.

Never could I have anticipated the raw happiness I would feel in 2010 and the challenge that is motherhood and all it encompasses. There have been so many ‘firsts’ in Cameron’s first year.

The expected like your first cuddle, kiss, bath, nappy change and feed. To the eagerly anticipated first roll, smile, laugh, tooth, solid meal, word (Dada in our case – I still remember the jaw-drop), crawl, stand, swim and holiday.

There were the not so great… Like the first anxiety attack, first signs of depression, first night in hospital, first bottle of formula, first needles, first pet dying, first sickness, first psychologist visit and first grandparents funeral.

But the firsts will keep coming and there will be many more amazing memories to share. Here comes Christmas, first steps, first hair cut, and of course the I-can’t-believe-it’s-only-a-couple-of-weeks-away first birthday – and that’s only the next month or so!

It has certainly been the most difficult year of my life. I’ve felt such a full spectrum of emotions. Each so intense and important. From the soaring highs to some incredible lows.

Nothing could have prepared me for hearing the sheer amazement and anticipation in my husbands voice as I gave birth “Rachel, Rachel, he’s coming. Oh my God”

Or that moment when Cameron first looked into my eyes. That first real grin.
The heart-sore that only a Mum can truly feel right down to her core when her little bub cries in pain. Or the pride I felt when I would see him achieve something magnificent.

I honestly wasn’t prepared for the FEAR or the phenomenal contentment that would flow through me when he would cuddle into me and fall asleep. Or that oh-my-goodness-I’m-a-Mummy moment where it truly sunk in.

I cannot believe this is my life.

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