I just need to talk this one out. My little family (me, my hubby and my 13 month old son) all have had gastro for the past couple of days to varying degrees. I consequently have been super tired and dehydrated.
I’ve kept myself hydrated as much as possible and fed on demand both to keep up my diminishing supply and soothe a sick, teething tot. Sadly, yesterday, Cam attempted to feed to no avail. He was not swallowing anything & I did not getting any fullness
Usually he has 4 big feeds in a 24 hour period but yesterday he had one very small feed and had water or milk from a straw or bottle instead (he’s not good with bottles but ok with sippies and straws)
It is heartbreaking. I sobbed and sobbed. I tried to give him a bottle of warmed full fat cows milk (all I have on me) and he sipped a bit casually before refusing and signing for “boobah”. It was so hard.
I’ve already fought for this breastfeeding relationship in the past (I relactated when he was 1 month old and went from zero supply to full supply in 3 weeks with one hell of a battle and a tonne of pumping and determination!) so I know what I’m willing to do for this…
But my body is so tired. My body has been nourishing a baby in one way or other for over 3 years (pregnancy, early 2nd trimester miscarriage, another pregnancy and then a year of breastfeeding). I fainted several times today.
I’m clucky for a second bub and have not had my cycles return… So part of me, deep down, is somewhat seeing this as a blessing in disguise… as though my body is making the decision for us both.
In saying that though, I’d never wean to get my fertility back so how is this any different. I know I can fight and fight to get back my supply but I don’t feel it is really worth it you know?
But both my bub and I have such an emotional attachment and routine with breastfeeding and it is his only fully developed way of soothing himself to sleep or after hurt.
I’m so so sore and I keep getting that awful dragging feeling that you get when you’re empty
I have been drinking lots of gastrolyte and water but it hasn’t helped my supply I don’t know what is wrong – stress?
This is hard. So hard.
I feel so guilty. I feel like I’m failing him… I should be fighting for this but I really am just beyond that..
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