Remind Me Of The Positives?

I just need to talk this one out. My little family (me, my hubby and my 13 month old son) all have had gastro for the past couple of days to varying degrees. I consequently have been super tired and dehydrated.

I’ve kept myself hydrated as much as possible and fed on demand both to keep up my diminishing supply and soothe a sick, teething tot. Sadly, yesterday, Cam attempted to feed to no avail. He was not swallowing anything & I did not getting any fullness sad.gif

Usually he has 4 big feeds in a 24 hour period but yesterday he had one very small feed and had water or milk from a straw or bottle instead (he’s not good with bottles but ok with sippies and straws)

It is heartbreaking. I sobbed and sobbed. I tried to give him a bottle of warmed full fat cows milk (all I have on me) and he sipped a bit casually before refusing and signing for “boobah”. It was so hard.

I’ve already fought for this breastfeeding relationship in the past (I relactated when he was 1 month old and went from zero supply to full supply in 3 weeks with one hell of a battle and a tonne of pumping and determination!) so I know what I’m willing to do for this…

But my body is so tired. My body has been nourishing a baby in one way or other for over 3 years (pregnancy, early 2nd trimester miscarriage, another pregnancy and then a year of breastfeeding). I fainted several times today.

I’m clucky for a second bub and have not had my cycles return… So part of me, deep down, is somewhat seeing this as a blessing in disguise… as though my body is making the decision for us both.

In saying that though, I’d never wean to get my fertility back so how is this any different. I know I can fight and fight to get back my supply but I don’t feel it is really worth it you know?

But both my bub and I have such an emotional attachment and routine with breastfeeding and it is his only fully developed way of soothing himself to sleep or after hurt.

I’m so so sore and I keep getting that awful dragging feeling that you get when you’re empty sad.gif

I have been drinking lots of gastrolyte and water but it hasn’t helped my supply I don’t know what is wrong – stress?

This is hard. So hard.

I feel so guilty. I feel like I’m failing him… I should be fighting for this but I really am just beyond that..

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6 thoughts on “Remind Me Of The Positives?

  1. Oh Rach perhaps it is your body’s way of letting go of the breastfeeding? I know how much you and Cam enjoy it, but I also know that you guys are keen to TTC #2. I have heard that babies do miss breastfeeding but then forget about it.

    I wish I could help more. Thinking of you and hope you can reach a decision πŸ™‚

  2. Oh no honey! You are not failing him!! Your doing what is right. I’m sorry you feel like that. Just think God is in control so he’s doing this for some reason. It’s gonna be hard not BFing for you and him(obviously) but you both will always have that forever bond because you did BF already for so long. Feel better!! (((hugs)))

    • The end of our b-feeding relationship was a bit like that too- I’d had to fight several times to keep my supply up, and then my body asked me to fight one last time, and I just couldn’t. Like you, I’d been sick, I’d just gone back to work, I was struggling with a husband with a broken wrist and I just couldn’t do it one more time.

      Thinking of you πŸ™‚

  3. I too had gastro when breastfeeding and also thought it was the end, Alex was only 8 or so months though. But fought it out with formula and kept trying to feed, and about after a week it came back. Not sure if the same will happen for you, if you want it to happen, but your body just has to get over being sick. Good luck to you for whatever happens.

  4. I had something similar happen, Kaleb got a cold and couldn’t bf cause he couldn’t breath out of his nose. I missed one pm feeding (the only one I was doing since I work FT) and my supply was zapped. I think that when your child is older your supply can disappear quick!

    I still miss it but I just think at how well I did and how much work it took to make it work and I really do feel nothing but proud. Kaleb loves home milk! loves the stuff so that makes it easier.

    Just think…you can wear dresses in summer and not have to worry about access!

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