Flat

There are days where I just can’t keep up with my own expectations regarding motherhood. Days (like today) where I wake up and feel flat.

I don’t want to read the “ah-pool booh” (alphabet book with an apple on the cover) again. Or I don’t feel like putting up with the giggling-and-running-around when I’m attempting to dress him.

Or I can’t be bothered making anything past a hastly thrown together sandwhich for lunch (organic peanut butter & jam on wholegrain bread if you were wondering… not that the ‘organic’ bit matters that much when he decided to smother the majority of it through his hair, on himself, over his high chair and throw the rest on the ground).

It is days like these where the whole sense of rhythm and harmony is thrown aside. Very little in the way of productivity or creativity has occurred.

This is when I wish my husband didn’t play soccer, so that his Tuesday evenings were free to take over while I relax for no good reason other than I want to.

I don’t have several children, Cameron is just your average young toddler, I’m not pregnant, I had a full nights sleep (poor Cam on the other hand was crying for quite some of the evening last night with teething pain and didn’t fully get to sleep until 8:30PM – his usual bedtime is 7) and how flat I’m feeling is a far cry from the difficulties I’ve fought through in the past.

Yet, here I am, amusing my toddler with an ice-cream and some toys so that I can type up a blog about my shortfalls as a mother. Sigh.

I’m very blessed to be a stay at home mum and mostly I love it. It’s just that every once and a while I’d like to just do what I want.

I guess what I can take from days like today is that they are few and far between, and that they are part of life. Cameron has to know that I’m not perfect and that sometimes I won’t be as engaging or mindful.

Please tell me someone can relate! Hopefully tomorrow (or even the rest of this afternoon!?) I can shake that flat feeling.

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7 thoughts on “Flat

  1. How can you even ask if this is normal?! lol. I think this is known as “given til I ain’t got no more to give” and requires some guilt-free, frivolous, nonproductive time to yourself to recharge. I am fairly crap at taking this time too, but try to remind myself that meeting some of my needs allows me to be better at filling little bubba’s needs.

  2. Oh Rachel! I’ve been feeling this for a few weeks! I totally understand, so much so that I haven’t even been able to blog cos I’m feeling so off kilter with the whole thing. The hardest part of the wonderful SAHM life is that it is 24/7… Hugs!!!! X

  3. I feel like this sometimes too. And then there’s the days where I have a migraine and I let my 2 year-old watch TV all dang day because I can’t even lift my head. The thing to remember is that the good days outweigh the hard days like these. Tell your husband to give you a night off to go have some fun with the girls!

  4. I could have written everything you put down here! I’m having a terrible day today, there have been tears galore at my house cos I just feel like I’m being a rubbish mummy! I think it’s all part and parcel of being a Mummy, esp a SAHM. Hope you get some time to yourself soon and recharge those batteries. You’re a great Mum : ) xx

  5. Pingback: A balancing act… « andmybaby

  6. Yep, I am there in that place right now (and yesterday and the day before), you are definitely not alone. I feel I am not doing enough, I am wasting precious time, letting the girls watch too much TV, yelling and getting angry for reasons that don’t need to be dealt with that way, then I find myself apologising to my daughter for falling short and that it isn’t my wish to get angry like that and scare her. Then I feel guilt for not being better. I hope you are out of that space now and I pray I get out of it soon.

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